"You gotta break eggs to make eggs"

The wise and vaguely confusing words of the big man - to whom I am dedicating this post. You do indeed need to speculate to accumulate as it were. I'm talking about chickens of course. What else? I have hatched a masterplan that includes (in no particular order) my garden shed, a hen house, a bunch of chickens (maybe 4?), eggs and omelettes. Well, actually the omelettes will come last....

So, a little bit of investment is all that separates me from The Goal. The chickens. Fresh eggs. Fresh bread. Hell yes, it's gonna be good. If you visit, you must bring cheese. And booze.

Get in.

ttfn, M.

Please switch off your mobiles....

Very worrying that the people of the north of Scotland have a chance of getting me when they call 999....it's up to you guys, you have been warned...

Slowly but surely warming up the house, it looks and feels a bit more lived-in now, and electric blankets were invented by a total genius. Yes, I know, a bit sad. I can live with that. I have warm feet in bed.

Had a good laugh today on shift. We had to go and pick up a little old dude and take him to Inverness. We went in, and were told he needed an IV line put in. So, we set up and just as my workmate is preparing to put the needle in (he's a para - i'm not allowed to yet..) a mobile phone goes. Loudly. My colleague looks at me. I look at him. We both look at the two nurses standing in the room. Then we ALL turn to look at the little old dude who proceeds to pull off the oxygen mask, open his pyjama top and answer his mobile. We all stared at each other and spent the next 2MINUTES (!!) trying not to kill ourselves laughing as he chats away completely oblivious to the fact that someone was about to stick a large needle in his arm.....

"No, no, I'm IN the hospital!!"

Brilliant.

ttfn, M.

Tripping the blue-light fantastic...

Today I am only half-functioning after the passing out party (very aptly named) at the Ambo college last night. Today marks the end of a very long 10 weeks of training! And now to business. I have some serious chicken-research to do now as, having come through the afore-mentioned course, I must start integrating with the northerners and start living the highland way!

Oh, many apologies to the owner of the white van whose wing mirror I clipped in Aberdeen city centre the other day....what can I say?....oops...I thought there was room...

The big move to Golspie happens on Sunday - and work starts on Monday evening - so on with the blog! Stories of northern quirks galore....and a wee bit of gore...just for kicks!

Anyway, enough rambling nonsense - to packing!

ttfn, M.

Phase 1: Complete

A small but necessary factor in the whole moving-north-getting-chickens thing was a matter of passing exams......which I have now done! A qualified ambulance technician I am. So by all means visit...but don't get ill whilst there!!

I have to keep this short but want to send a big hello to all my fellow students at bouncey castle whom I have had to leave for the 3 weeks of my driving course. You are all missed...

Fear not though, I shall be writing for practical poultry in no time!!

ttfn, M.

Striving for chicken madness.

The sporadic nature of my blogging continues. I feel I have a good excuse, however - the techy course is somewhat all-consuming...no time (well, not much) for chicken research. Or so I thought till a kindly, tall fellow student by name of Rod gave me a copy of "Practical Poultry: The UK's best-selling poultry magazine". The sort of thing you get as the guest publication on Have I Got News for You. Legendary. So I now have a veritable feast (shouldn't use that word really) of chicken related know-how at my finger-tips. Mmmmm, finger-licking good....

5 weeks of the course done, 5 to go before I hit the road. Then and only then shall the hunt for chickens commence....

ttfn, M.

In the beginning.....the pre-chicken times...

So. The stage is set.

Place to live....check.

Uniform....check.

Training starting....check.

Chickens....erm...not quite...but soon!

This may seem a bit odd at first but this will hopefully become my working Blog. Is Mal functioning? At times I will be, at others most definitely not. For those stumbling randomly on this then I am about to start training with the Scottish Ambulance Service with the goal of qualifying as a paramedic. For those that know me, probably a scary prospect; for those that don't, don't worry, just don't get ill up north.

The paramedic blog thing has been done to death however, and some are pretty good, so instead I'm going to tell tales of village life and talk about my chickens (I don't have them yet...but they'll come in due course). And sometimes note-worthy things from the back door of an ambulance.

So, welcome to my chicken blog. A ripple in what will become a wave of total nonsense.

ttfn, M.